why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
