if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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