is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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