If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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