I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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