You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
