then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
