so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
