You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
