What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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