$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
