smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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