I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
