Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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