I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
smell my finger.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
