She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
