I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
