All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
