where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
