I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
