It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pooping to opera.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
