yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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