We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
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