I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
