we're blogging at a bar
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
