I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
