also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
