just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
