Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
