why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
