Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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