Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Can Purell be used as lube?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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