My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
