Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
