Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
