New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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