Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
