Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
