the day after is always just damage control
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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