I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
