no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
