Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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