Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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