Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize