Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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