Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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