My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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