you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
