When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
