I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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