Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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