I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
