drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's not a walk of shame if you run
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
