im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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