we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
