i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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