My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
