You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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