a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
