It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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