i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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