I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
