Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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