It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
