Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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