dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
