i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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