Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize