Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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