May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
