wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think I sprained my soul last night
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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