Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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