You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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