i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
