Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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