i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
