So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
