Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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