the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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