i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
