i don't like sucking hair
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
