I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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