Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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