Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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