And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
