Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
