dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
