im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
