New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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