he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
