On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
