you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
