So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
