Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
