hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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