just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dicks are not precious.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
