I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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