i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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