I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
