I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
