He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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