I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
