sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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