Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
