You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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