What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
