Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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