I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
