didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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