Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
