the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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