Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
