Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
