he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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