Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
