i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
