the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You should frame my arrest warrant.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
