somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
