If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
