Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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