i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
as a side note pls kill me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
